Dad jokes

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Mon Jun 15, 2020 3:54 am

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Sun Jul 05, 2020 2:36 pm

Just heard on Sky News that there is to be another protest in London tomorrow about coloured cake decorations, police are expecting hundreds and thousands!!

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Tue Jul 14, 2020 4:30 am

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Tue Jul 14, 2020 4:30 am

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DoctorC
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by DoctorC » Tue Jul 14, 2020 7:52 pm

amckiwi wrote:
Sun Jul 05, 2020 2:36 pm
Just heard on Sky News that there is to be another protest in London tomorrow about coloured cake decorations, police are expecting hundreds and thousands!!
I'm a dad, I love Dad jokes....


I don't get this one at all.... :shrug:

nevermind, had to google it... ..

It's a regional joke....
Greg

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HapaHapa
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by HapaHapa » Tue Jul 14, 2020 10:37 pm

DoctorC wrote:
Tue Jul 14, 2020 7:52 pm
amckiwi wrote:
Sun Jul 05, 2020 2:36 pm
Just heard on Sky News that there is to be another protest in London tomorrow about coloured cake decorations, police are expecting hundreds and thousands!!
I'm a dad, I love Dad jokes....


I don't get this one at all.... :shrug:

nevermind, had to google it... ..

It's a regional joke....
Had no idea either. That too some research.
The Hapa

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Wed Jul 15, 2020 12:46 am

Sorry guys it’s hard to know if regional If in the region appreciate the effort you went to

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DoctorC
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by DoctorC » Wed Jul 15, 2020 5:37 am

amckiwi wrote:
Wed Jul 15, 2020 12:46 am
Sorry guys it’s hard to know if regional If in the region appreciate the effort you went to
Actually, the fact that I had to look it up , actually made it that much more of a dad joke!
Greg

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Jamie
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by Jamie » Fri Jul 17, 2020 7:08 pm

You know hippos can swim faster than a person.
But Did you know hippos can also run faster than a human?



That means the only chance of beating one in a triathlon is on the bike leg.

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Fri Aug 07, 2020 4:36 pm

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Sat Aug 08, 2020 8:36 pm

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Thu Aug 13, 2020 3:10 am

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Thu Aug 13, 2020 3:11 am

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Sat Aug 15, 2020 4:59 pm

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snootydog
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by snootydog » Wed Aug 19, 2020 12:01 pm

A weird fella walked up to me the other day and said "I'm gonna cut the leg off your trousers and put it in the library".

I thought, well that's a turn up for the books.
Andy :uj:
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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:11 pm

Everyone PLEASE be careful because people are going crazy from being locked down at home!
I was just talking about this with the microwave and the toaster while drinking my coffee, and we all agreed that things are getting bad.
I didn’t mention any of this to the washing machine, because she puts a different spin on EVERYTHING!! Certainly couldn’t share with the fridge, cause he’s been acting cold and distant!
In the end, the iron straightened me out! She said the situation isn’t all that pressing and all the wrinkles will soon get ironed out!
The vacuum, however, was very unsympathetic…told me to just suck it up buttercup! But the fan was VERY optimistic and gave me hope that it will all blow over soon!
The toilet looked a bit flushed but didn’t say anything when I asked its opinion, but the front door said I was becoming unhinged and the doorknob told me to get a grip!! You can just about guess what the curtains told me: they told me to “pull myself together!”
We will survive!!

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Wed Aug 19, 2020 3:11 pm

I took my new girlfriend to a fund raiser event,we entered the one legged race and came last.she broke up with me 2 hours later, I said why?,She said we got off on the wrong foot

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Wed Aug 19, 2020 4:43 pm

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CGSshorty
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by CGSshorty » Fri Aug 21, 2020 11:44 pm

snootydog wrote:A weird fella walked up to me the other day and said "I'm gonna cut the leg off your trousers and put it in the library".

I thought, well that's a turn up for the books.
I have no idea what this means. Are you speaking English English?
"It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever."
David St. Hubbins

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HapaHapa
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by HapaHapa » Fri Aug 21, 2020 11:51 pm

CGSshorty wrote:
Fri Aug 21, 2020 11:44 pm
snootydog wrote:A weird fella walked up to me the other day and said "I'm gonna cut the leg off your trousers and put it in the library".

I thought, well that's a turn up for the books.
I have no idea what this means. Are you speaking English English?
Cuffs

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DoctorC
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by DoctorC » Sat Aug 22, 2020 9:39 am

CGSshorty wrote:
Fri Aug 21, 2020 11:44 pm
snootydog wrote:A weird fella walked up to me the other day and said "I'm gonna cut the leg off your trousers and put it in the library".

I thought, well that's a turn up for the books.
I have no idea what this means. Are you speaking English English?
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Greg

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Wed Sep 02, 2020 10:07 pm

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Thu Sep 03, 2020 6:21 pm

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hoppes-no9
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by hoppes-no9 » Fri Sep 04, 2020 10:06 am

Farmer buys a new rooster to service his flock of hens. Within an hour of letting him loose, the rooster has screwed every hen in the barnyard. Farmer goes out after lunch and sees the rooster finishing up round 2. At dinnertime, he sees the rooster going after all the ducks, and by bedtime the rooster is having his way with the geese.

Next day the farmer looks out to see the rooster dead of exhaustion in the back field, with buzzards circling overhead. He walks up to the rooster's still body, pokes him with a stick, and says "You stupid son of a bitch, you screwed yourself to death."

The rooster slowly opens one eye and says "Shhhhhhhh -- they're about to land..."

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Sat Sep 05, 2020 3:14 pm

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