Dad jokes

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Fri Aug 17, 2018 4:18 am

Not very much is known about Mahatma Ghandi. A frail man, he sometimes went for days without proper food, living off berries and anything else he could find to keep himself alive and, because of this, he suffered from bad breath. Also, not having proper footwear whilst walking over very hard and rough ground, his feet suffered horribly from cuts and bruises. Basically, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic wracked with halitosis...

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Fri Aug 24, 2018 4:44 pm

My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances...



Well, she's in for a shock.

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Fri Aug 24, 2018 4:45 pm

I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.


As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door!

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Thu Aug 30, 2018 1:30 am

What's the difference between America and a memory stick?
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One's USA and the other's USB!

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hoppes-no9
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by hoppes-no9 » Fri Aug 31, 2018 5:02 am

Someone stole my antidepressants.

I hope they’re happy.

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Rackness
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by Rackness » Sat Sep 01, 2018 12:02 pm

When does a joke become a Dad joke?




When it becomes apparent

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Rackness
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Dad jokes

Post by Rackness » Sat Sep 01, 2018 12:03 pm

Image

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Tue Sep 04, 2018 1:36 am

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Tue Sep 04, 2018 1:37 am

These are getting worse but that is the idea yes?

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59yukon01
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by 59yukon01 » Tue Sep 11, 2018 7:22 pm

Today I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup. Later I took what was probably the biggest vowel movement I've ever had.

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Thu Oct 11, 2018 12:14 am

I come from a family of failed magicians....

I have two half-sisters

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Thu Oct 11, 2018 12:15 am

I have the memory of an elephant. 
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I very clearly remember seeing an elephant once in the zoo.

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Thu Oct 11, 2018 12:26 am

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sierra11b
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by sierra11b » Sat Oct 13, 2018 3:04 pm

Did you know Old McDonald’s son when into the Army?

He became E I GI Joe.

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nweash
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by nweash » Sat Oct 13, 2018 5:30 pm

amckiwi wrote:Two Chinese dudes break into a distillery. One turns to the other and says “Is this Whiskey? The other one says “Yes but not as Whiskey as wobbing a bank!!!


I couldn’t stop crying of laughter trying to read this joke out loud to my friends.

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Mon Oct 15, 2018 1:19 am

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Sidheguitarist
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by Sidheguitarist » Mon Oct 15, 2018 8:40 am

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Mon Oct 15, 2018 2:02 pm

Question: A plane crashed down with 200 people on board. Every single person died, yet there were a 100 survivors.
How is that possible?

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Answer: All the married ones lived!!

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Heuerville
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by Heuerville » Tue Oct 16, 2018 7:35 am

My wife said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with The Monkees.

I said that's ridiculous, and just laughed.






Then I saw her face.
Stewart - Heuerville & Heuerville Straps
http://heuerville.wordpress.com/heuerville-straps/
"SOB get me a drink"

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59yukon01
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by 59yukon01 » Tue Oct 16, 2018 8:06 am

Heuerville wrote:My wife said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with The Monkees.

I said that's ridiculous, and just laughed.






Then I saw her face.
Now you're a believer.
Not a trace of doubt in your mind.
You're in love.......

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BacoNoir
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by BacoNoir » Thu Nov 01, 2018 7:48 am

Image
Image

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BacoNoir
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Dad jokes

Post by BacoNoir » Thu Nov 01, 2018 7:49 am

DP
Image

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Thu Nov 01, 2018 7:17 pm

There were twin witches

This caused problems as you never knew which witch was which

Why did the witches team lose the baseball game?

Their bats flew away

Newly married spiders are newlywebbed

Why did the ghost go to the bar
He liked boos

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Sun Nov 04, 2018 1:38 am

Copper Nitrate

Overtime for a police man

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amckiwi
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Sun Nov 04, 2018 1:40 am

The truth shall set you free.
Unless you are in court then you should prom STFU

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