The Dive Watch Connection

Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees?










Because they’re really good at it

A Greek parachutist Con descending

Did you hear about the guy that died from eating too much spaghetti?
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He pasta way.

Why do ducks have tail feathers?



To hide their butt quacks.

Shakespeare walked into a pub and was immediately asked to leave. The barman said, "get out of here, you're Bard."

Paddy: Did yer see the match last noight?

Seamus: No Oi missed it, what was the score?

Paddy: It was a nil-nil draw.

Seamus: What was the half-toime score?

Paddy? I don't know, I only saw the second half.

Fire services in Paris have found a suspicious package in Notre Dame Cathedral, but it just contained a Cheese and Tomato sandwich, a packet of crisps, an apple and a carton of orange juice
It was the Lunchpack of Notre Dame

I told my mate 10 jokes to make him laugh

Sadly, no pun in ten did!

I had an uncle who stole 100 pairs of trainers from a sports shop. He was on the run for 27 years.

I went to the doctors and I said "I can't sleep at night, I keep thinking about Chinese food."
He said "It sounds like dimsumnia."

Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?




A. Every morning you'll rise and shine

IS an argument between vegans still called a beef?

A blonde woman visits her husband in prison Before leaving, she tells an officer: "You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!" officer laughs, saying: Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!" : "Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

My uncle left his butter factory to me in his will.

I've gone and screwed it up and had to close down.

I bet he will be churning in his grave

I was going to make a belt from watches until I realised it would be a waist of time

Q: Can a match box? 
A: No, but a tin can.

Two little girls are making friends in the school playground.
"What does your Daddy do for a living?" asks Sally.
"He's a magician," says Emma.
"Ooh," says Sally, "and what's his best trick?"
"Sawing people in half," replies Emma.
"And do you have any other family?" asks Sally.
"Yes," says Emma, "I have a half -brother and two half -sisters."