Dad jokes

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hoppes-no9
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Dad jokes

Post by hoppes-no9 » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:21 am

Share your corniest "dad" jokes. My kids love em. My coworkers hate em. So it's a win-win.

Here's one to kick it off:

Two ships collide in the ocean. One ship is carrying red paint, the other is carrying blue paint. Thankfully, both crews were fine, but they were marooned.

:headbang:

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Rackness
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Location: Maryland/DC

Re: Dad jokes

Post by Rackness » Mon Jul 16, 2018 2:01 pm

Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?





Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan...

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Rackness
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Location: Maryland/DC

Dad jokes

Post by Rackness » Mon Jul 16, 2018 2:02 pm

What do you call a three humped camel?








Pregnant!



Courtesy of Zootopia.

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rockmastermike
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by rockmastermike » Mon Jul 16, 2018 3:10 pm

what do you call a 4-door Yugo?

A we-go

:rimshot:

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Sidheguitarist
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by Sidheguitarist » Mon Jul 16, 2018 3:25 pm

Q: what does rhe statue of libety stand for?


A: she can’t sit down...




Q: what do you get when you cross Captain America with the Incredible Hulk?


A: the star-spangled Banner


Q; why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the restroom?


A: because the P (pee) is silent...
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gamecock111
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Name: Doug

Re: Dad jokes

Post by gamecock111 » Mon Jul 16, 2018 4:30 pm

What did the ocean say to the beach?




Nothing, it just waved

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BacoNoir
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Location: Colorado

Dad jokes

Post by BacoNoir » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:09 pm

Three tampons are walking down the street. Which one talks to you?



None - they are all stuck up bitches.
Last edited by BacoNoir on Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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BacoNoir
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Dad jokes

Post by BacoNoir » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:10 pm

TT DP
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mikeylacroix
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Name: Mike

Re: Dad jokes

Post by mikeylacroix » Mon Jul 16, 2018 11:07 pm

Whats brown and sticky?







A stick.

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amckiwi
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Name: Stu

Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Tue Jul 17, 2018 4:14 am

What do you call a homosexual dinasour?
Megasorarse (megasorass)

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amckiwi
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Name: Stu

Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Tue Jul 17, 2018 4:15 am

Why can miss piggy not court to 100?
When she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat

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Rackness
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by Rackness » Tue Jul 17, 2018 4:15 am

Two peanuts were walking down the street one was a salted.

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hoppes-no9
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Name: Dan
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by hoppes-no9 » Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:05 am

What’s red, and smells like blue paint?















Red paint.

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amckiwi
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Name: Stu

Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:10 am

Paddy says to Murphy "My mate came off his motorbike today."
"Oh really?" Says Murphy.
"Yes" Paddy answers. "He has brain damage, 2 broken arms and is blind
in one eye!"
Murphy says, "Bloody hell, no wonder he came off!"

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Rackness
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Location: Maryland/DC

Re: Dad jokes

Post by Rackness » Tue Jul 17, 2018 8:05 am

What time did the man go to the dentist?




Tooth-hurty!

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Rackness
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by Rackness » Tue Jul 17, 2018 8:33 am

You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there?




European.

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DoctorC
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Location: when you find out, tell me

Re: Dad jokes

Post by DoctorC » Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:25 am

A guy walks into a dentist's office. The receptionist asks, how can I help you?
He replies, I'm a moth.
She says, excuse me, I don't understand.
He says, I'm a moth, I eat like a moth, I sleep like a moth, I'm a moth!
She says, I think you want the psychiatrist's office two doors down the hall...

He replies, yeah, I know... But your light was on...
Greg

JBZ
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by JBZ » Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:33 am

Why can't dinosaurs dance?








Because they're dead.
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DoctorC
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by DoctorC » Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:43 am

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.
Greg

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Rackness
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Name: Jason
Location: Maryland/DC

Re: Dad jokes

Post by Rackness » Tue Jul 17, 2018 1:06 pm

How do you make a Kleenex dance?




You put a little boogie in it.

gamecock111
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Name: Doug

Re: Dad jokes

Post by gamecock111 » Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:30 pm

For the dads with older kids:

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?






Nothing,, she just gagged a little bit

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59yukon01
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Re: Dad jokes

Post by 59yukon01 » Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:38 pm

^^^Member of the rainbow club no doubt.

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Rackness
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Name: Jason
Location: Maryland/DC

Re: Dad jokes

Post by Rackness » Wed Jul 18, 2018 1:27 am

What is the best part of living in Switzerland?



I don’t know but the flag sure is a big plus.

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amckiwi
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Name: Stu

Re: Dad jokes

Post by amckiwi » Wed Jul 18, 2018 3:46 am

Is Google male or female?
Female it makes suggestions before you finish your sentence

My mother in la fell down a wishing well
Amazing I never knew they worked

What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common
No ballroom

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest
An investigator

A new wine for older people has been developed
Pinomore

What did the banana say to the doctor
I'm not peeling well

Wrestling a game where people without pants fight for a belt

I held the door open open for a clown last week
I thought it was a nice jester

Smaller babies are delivered by a stork, larger ones need a crane

The roundest knight at king Arthir's round table was Sir Cumfrence

Rex911
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Name: Kev

Re: Dad jokes

Post by Rex911 » Thu Jul 19, 2018 1:00 am

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?



Cliff!

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