Greetings Dive Watch Forum

[andrema]

Just the other night, I dreamt about our time in the Hamptons…
We were alone at your expansive estate in East Hampton. You stood in front of me close enough to touch, the darkness surrounding us. My shyness with you had always been apparent to, but at this moment I could only watch you. The estate garden was only lit by the soft glow of the moon. My Seiko Monster shown bright by the moonlight, with the lume that I knew only you could see. You turned the bezel on its massive, stainless steel. Then you turned to walk down the shadowy path towards the lighthouse. I tried to follow, but something stopped me. My legs were stuck I thought, but when I looked down it was only a dark fog that surrounded me. I was petrified by the thought that you were going to leave me alone here at the divewatchconnection in the darkness again. I fought the fear of the seclusion and the sinister darkness as well as the emptiness inside.

"Potter, please don't do this again don't leave me your all I have." I screamed after you. I watched as his avatar faded into the fog of my memories and internet world.

I suddenly woke again in the dark, scared and alone in front of my iPad. I hadn't had that nightmare for a long time. Potter had been away for a full year today and I longed for his return. I fumbled to turn on her light. I was shaking and my footed pajamas were covered with sweat. What a way to wake up! I looked around the dimly lit room searching for something she wouldn't find. Finally, I realized my surroundings weren't the garden or the dream…I was still alone in my parent’s basement, waist deep in hand lotion and Dorito bags. It was time to start another day without Potter…the dark was slowly becoming light.

[homathetes]

Yay, storytime!

It all started when our protagonist, Potter, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely frustrated, Potter deflowered a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved Lange was missing! Immediately he called his so-called buddy, Leroy Jenkins. Potter had known Leroy Jenkins for (plus or minus) half a years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Leroy Jenkins was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... clueless. Potter called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Leroy Jenkins picked up to a very unhappy Potter. Leroy Jenkins calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys yawn before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually sassily cringe *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Potter . Why was Leroy Jenkins trying to distract Potter? Because he had snuck out from Potter's with the Lange only nine days prior. It was a curious little Lange... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Potter got back to the subject at hand: his Lange. Leroy Jenkins belched. Relunctantly, Leroy Jenkins invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Lange. Potter grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leroy Jenkins realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Lange and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Potter took the tricked out go kart, he had take at least two minutes before Potter would get there. But if he took the Corolla ? Then Leroy Jenkins would be exceedingly screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leroy Jenkins was interrupted by two oafish marmots that were lured by his Lange. Leroy Jenkins shuddered; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling exasperated, he fearlessly reached for his dull pencil and thoughtfully groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Corolla rolling up. It was Potter.

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Potter was out of the Corolla and went exotically jaunting toward Leroy Jenkins's front door. Meanwhile inside, Leroy Jenkins was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Lange into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind his whale. Leroy Jenkins was frustrated but at least the Lange was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Leroy Jenkins earnestly purred. With a mighty push, Potter opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling beer-sloshed tool in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Leroy Jenkins assured him. Potter took a seat RIGHT next to where Leroy Jenkins had hidden the Lange. Leroy Jenkins yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Potter was distracted. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Leroy Jenkins noticed a abrasive look on Potter 's face. Potter slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Leroy Jenkins felt a stabbing pain in his scalp when Potter asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Lange right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Potter 's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Potter nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Leroy Jenkins could react, Potter randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Lange was plainly in view.

Potter stared at Leroy Jenkins for what what must've been eight seconds. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Leroy Jenkins groped scandalously in Potter's direction, clearly desperate. Potter grabbed the Lange and bolted for the door. It was locked. Leroy Jenkins let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Potter,' he rebuked. Leroy Jenkins always had been a little abrasive, so Potter knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Leroy Jenkins did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. A few freaknasty minutes later, he gripped his Lange tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Leroy Jenkins looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Potter. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Potter . 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leroy Jenkins walked over to the window and looked down. Potter was gone.

Just yonder, Potter was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Leroy Jenkins's place. Potter had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral marmots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Lange. One by one they latched on to Potter. Already weakened from his injury, Potter yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of marmots running off with his Lange.

About eleven hours later, Potter awoke, his ear throbbing. It was dark and Potter did not know where he was. Deep in the uninhabited lemur-infested moor, Potter was abundantly lost. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he remembered that his Lange was taken by the marmots. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a enormous marmot emerged from the disease-infested jungle. It was the alpha marmot. Potter opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the marmot sunk its teeth into Potter 's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Potter's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Leroy Jenkins was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Lange. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened carrot. With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his double chin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Potter ... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Lange that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant marmots, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after. The end.

[T.R.]

Potter was not a total dick this time. It was like.... Potter on Ecstasy.

[goaliechris]

Are you Askmen's "Watchsnob"??

[john wilson]

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7ms94 ... nental_fun

[toxicavenger]

This guy is a eunuch.

[TakesALickin]

His problem is obvious...

[Zidane]

Potter is always good for a laugh. Don't be a stranger!

[93 Turbo]

I thought a "tactical beater" was something you did in your farter (sleeping bag, because every soldier farts,hence the term get in your farter) when you snapped off a quick crank while on patrol.

J

[Jamie]

Potter old chum p dont be a stranger

[jad3703]

He seems to be a wee bit of a wanker; but certainly funny enough, which provides some amusement and humour.

That is his intent, I am assuming?

James

[dnslater]

Holy thread bump. I thought Potter was actually back.

[Hornet01]

Hilarious. More Potter please.

Gordo

[Torrid]

This is the first time I am learning of Potter. I look forward to many Seiko arguments.

[T.R.]

Holy thread bump. I thought Potter was actually back.

No lie. Dammit, I miss that guy.

[CesarG]

He seems to be a wee bit of a wanker;

Haha!

[JBZ]

I just noticed from his post that he didn't say anything about Omega. Now I don't know how to feel about my Speedmaster.

[rain_maker]

Went back and read his old posts ... some funny reads. But his posts did seemed to drop off right as the Watchsnob articles started...

[JDC222]

Went back and read his old posts ... some funny reads. But his posts did seemed to drop off right as the Watchsnob articles started...

Maybe he choked on a finger sandwich or tripped and fell down the spiral staircase...

[andrema]

I missed Potter! Welcome back, old man!

[BBK357]

Isnt this Halifx or logans cousin?

[craniotes]

Holy thread bump. I thought Potter was actually back.

No lie. Dammit, I miss that guy.

Don't worry, he'll be back...

Like a moth to the flame, he can't resist the siren call of the DWC.

Regards,
Adam

[gonzomantis]

I just noticed from his post that he didn't say anything about Omega. Now I don't know how to feel about my Speedmaster.

Not to worry, Archie says the Speedmaster is one of his all time favorites!

[koda240]

Well shit, now that I read this I guess I have to sell my PAM. After all, he is all knowing.

[JBZ]

I just noticed from his post that he didn't say anything about Omega. Now I don't know how to feel about my Speedmaster.

Not to worry, Archie says the Speedmaster is one of his all time favorites!

I thought it was the Pro Prof...